This article is written and owned by Leon Noone
“Be a good listener”. Every manager has heard that exhortation umpteen times. It’s true. Sadly it doesn’t say how. So we ask lots of questions and shut up. Being a “good listener” needs more than that. Here’s how.
1. Have A Goal. Whenever you talk to a colleague or employee about work, be purposeful. Ensure that you know why you’re talking. It may be to solve a problem, resolve a difference of opinion, obtain an opinion or just gain information. Your talk may be formal or informal. Whatever it is, try to achieve something specific.
2. “Why” Is A Word To Avoid. When you ask “why?” you’ll get opinions, explanations or defensiveness. You’ll rarely get useful information. Ask “what?”, “how?”, “when?”, “who?”, “which?”. If your questions don’t generate useful information, you’re wasting your time.
3. Always Paraphrase. To paraphrase is to repeat in your own words the words of the person you’re speaking with. For whatever reason, some employees have difficulty saying what they mean clearly and specifically. The ideas in their minds don’t necessarily translate into cogent sentences.
They’ll welcome empathetic paraphrasing to help them clarify their thoughts.
4. Clichés Kill Cogent Communications. One of the worst communications clichés is “My door is always open”. I often wonder if there’s an additional unspoken sentence such as “But don’t enter” or “Only tell me what I want to hear”.
Conversational clichés are rife in business today. Avoid them. Jargon or cliché are often misunderstood by others and suggest that you’re not really interested in listening.
5. Gain Understanding. Seek understanding frequently and constantly. Ask the person you’re talking with to paraphrase what you’re saying too. Asking “Do you understand?” almost invariably is answered “Yes”. You see, either the employee wants to please you or he or she doesn’t believe you’re listening properly. By following these tips, the employee will usually believe that you’re really listening. When they say “Yes” ask them to use their own words to repeat their understanding. You may be surprised …!
6. Reflect Feelings. If the person you’re talking with is angry, upset or emotional, acknowledge the emotions. Never ever say “Calm down!” Until they accept that you acknowledge their feelings as valid and real they won’t calm down and good communications will be impaired.
7. Value Silence. “When you ask a question, shut up!”
Avoid the temptation to fill silence with words. And persist. Keep asking and paraphrasing answers until you get a useful reply.
Conclusion. The basics of sound face to face communications aren’t hard to learn. But in the urgency and cut and thrust of daily business, it’s easy to forget them. Be focused, patient, persistent and sensitive. You’ll be the main beneficiary.
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